Friday, 24 September 2010

Ya get me?

I've wanted to be a stand-up comedian since I was a teenager, I've known that I've always wanted to perform since I can remember, I am now doing that, and these people pay me monies to do it on a stage (and at least once, in the gangway of an Indian restaurant).

The upshot of being a comic is that I am sometimes offered a casting for a TV or radio project, which sounds exciting as it is one of the areas a comic can diversify into. Obviously, I have often been offered many dodgy typecast roles based on my appearance and reputation, which I repeatedly turn down because I chose not to be a porn actor for a reason. However, often enough when a contemporary and youthful take is required for a role of the British brown variety, this much is communicated to me by the deft diplomacy of a casting team who joyously respond to any urban embellishments I can add to a reading, ya get me? If the last paragraph has left you bewildered, then it's quite obvious that you will be unable to comprehend the scope of my mockery and thus the inherent insult of this insinuation.

I failed all of my GCSEs, and after I got my results I went and sat in a tree with my friends because that's where I was expecting to live when my family found out. During this time I realised that talking like an "eediat" was the guaranteed path to nowhere or a career as a mobile phones salesperson. It happens that it was in fact hip hop that encouraged me to improve and extend my vocabulary. Listening to the likes of Eric B & Rakim encouraged me to start recreational reading of the dictionary. Suddenly, the creative freedom a better vocabulary afforded me a greater sense of communicational prowess, although I was totally alienated from my peers on the GNVQ Art & Design course I had managed to get onto in college. Whilst some of them were painting their shoes, I had filled out a job application form and got my very first job as a Stock Movement Advisor at Debenhams on a paltry pre-minimum wage of £3.26 per hour. I started that job on the same day as one of my best friends from high school, his name was Dwayne and he often broke the China in the stockroom and rampantly farted in the staff lifts.

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