Staying healthy at the Edinburgh Festival

We're over the half way mark in Edinburgh, some have fallen to illness, sore throats and even bruised or broken hearts. Staying physically and mentally healthy during Edinburgh is quite a task whilst we peddle our performances for the entertainment of audiences and the critique of critics who may or may not like what they believe satiates their own diverted ambitions that became writing on the internet.

Being the eternal naive optimist that I am, I've kept a strong discipline in staying healthy through a combination of exercise, diet and positive thinking during this physically and mentally challenging time of the Edinburgh Festival, in which I have the added bonus feature of observing Ramadan.

So, allow me to share some of my health tips on how to keep in a great state during the festival -

1: EXERCISE
I keep my muscles ripped during the festival with a simple daily routine using the convenience of my bedroom door using the revolutionary Iron Gym, an exercise device that has been constructed from almost random bits of metal and compiled by a genius who figured out how to fix such equipment to a door frame without the need for drilling or planning permission.

Check the guns...

...now check the armour.

2: DIET
Despite having such a light frame which has made me the victim of casual insults from those who envy my lightening fast metabolism, I eat healthily during the festival, often switching between pasta, kebabs and Nando's, you know, the important food groups. In addition to this strict diet of carbohydrates and protein, I supplicate my meals with a daily routine of whey protein, Berocca and Seven Seas cod liver oil + multivitamins. This combination of food and drugs gives me loads of energy to burn, alongside my 9 tails chakra.

Berocca is sometimes like Senzu beans.

3: POSITIVE MINDSET
The Edinburgh Festival is the biggest arts festival in the world, however it is also a trade fair and the more astute business minded individuals will understand the importance of bringing a corporate professionalism to the table, one that I learnt from my many years in the video games business. Observing Ramadan always encourages me to remember how fortunate I am for what I have, and that the daylight hunger is only really a slight discomfort in the greater scope of the blessings and fortunes I have in my life. The attitude of gratitude is the first step to develop real wealth, then it's all about hard work, and I'm here to do my best, learn from my mistakes, become better and become the success I dream of becoming. Only a few years ago I was broke, feeling overwhelmed by the inadequacies in every area of my life and feeling way out of my depth as a comedian at this festival. All of that changed very fast because I had a very clear goal, developed a detailed strategy and took massive Anthony Robbins-style action.

"I'M RICH BIATCH!!"

If I can do it, you can do it. Break the rules, beat the system, become whatever you can dream...

Having a great time in Edinburgh

Right now, I am in a delicate situation as I optimistically wait for my black socks to dry in time for my show which is just about over an hour from starting, however my Jack Bauer-esque realism knows that I'm going to have to go and buy a fresh pack if I am not to look like a numpty wearing black shoes with white socks this evening.

Apart from this wardrobe drama, I'm having a great time in Edinburgh, the show is going great, I've really hit my rhythm now and audiences are enjoying the show. A couple of four star reviews from the press and more importantly being stopped in the street by fans who love the show has already made this Edinburgh a rewarding experience, not to mention the secret stuff that is still to be announced... oh, and that I have discovered deep fried Mars bars.

I'm having loads of fun, here is an interview with me by a hawte chick from Ed Fest Magazine -



So far, so good, however a career in the comedy world is a long game, and I'm in it for life, so stay tuned and I'll prove that sometimes all you need is a lot of heart and that everything will be okay... even if your black socks still haven't dried yet! DATTEBAYO!

Attacked in Edinburgh

I've just got back to my flat from a late night double deep fried Mars bar experience to find my flatmate and American comic; Chris Coxen with two black eyes after being attacked by a gang of 5-7 feral cunts.

I've also found out that comedian Mark Simmons has also been the victim of an attack, in which his money and phone were stolen, however his assailants were caught shortly after by the Police. In the four full festivals I have done, I have never heard of such violence, although a few years ago I once saw a violent drunkard get battered by security in Bristo Square after he punched fellow comic Paul McCaffrey for no reason.

Here we are at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, the biggest and oldest arts festival in the world, where artists, performers, musicians, comedians etc come to from all over the planet to share and celebrate their wares with audiences and industry. This event is an amazing example of human artistry and beauty, it is something that enriches our lives and embraces our divine virtues, this event is a time of joy. However, due to the wanton procreation and perpetuation of feral humanoids whose only manifesto is to destroy, this festival has been blighted for at least a couple of people whose enjoyment and efforts has been ruined by the predatory behaviour of a bunch of animals.

I'm sharing a flat with Chris, one of the nicest guys I've ever met, a true hard working gentlemen who came to the UK to pursue his dream to showcase his talents as a character comedian. This is his first full run at the Edinburgh Festival, he's put incredible effort, financial investment and made personal sacrifices to get here all the way from his home in Boston, Massachusetts, USA. And now his festival experience has been blighted by such an act of unwarranted violence. If you're in Edinburgh, it'd cheer him up if you check out his show; Chris Coxen's Space Clone Audition, Cabaret Voltaire @ 2:30pm. However, with his eye swollen up, he might not be around performing tomorrow.

If you're at the Edinburgh Festival, please beware during the late nights and be ready should any shithead try to attack you. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire, and the good guys will prevail...

Peace x

London Riots & Edinburgh

As I sit in my comfy Edinburgh flat during the pockets of Scottish sun that teases us before raining unabatedly with a biting cold that can only be escaped by entering one of the various shows that cook the audience and performers like an oven thanks to Britain's inability to invest in air-conditioning, London and now the rest of England is being engulfed by riots that have blighted the lives of so many with violence and looting.

As opinions get bandied around social networking sites, what has become apparent is that the advantages, privileges and the blessing it is to live in the civilised world has become all too blurred with the developing nations and civil unrests we are used to seeing in other countries, as our country comes to a standstill whilst we watch and suffer at the hands of mobs of thugs, thieves and general epic product failures of human copulation.

I could go on for ever with a massive dissection of these events, but there is already enough news out there for everyone to deal with, so I am going to put it as bluntly as this -

In the world, there are a contingent of people who are easily identified not by a genetic or ideological qualities, but by the hallmark of bellend-ed-ness that constitutes their behaviour as massive wastes of space. Most people are actually quite cool, able to get along with one another, who go about their lives in relative peace learning about the world they live in and enjoying the company of everyone else with whom they share friendships, all of whom try and contribute something meaningful through their vocation and the way they go about their lives. Sound like you? Of course it does, that's why you're reading this blog, because you CAN read and if you're reading my blog, you're most probably not a specimen of bipedal mammalians whose diet consists of chemically-laced fried poultry substitute that is often accompanied by chips in a box that can feed an entire family of feral gremlins born from the illicit union of a whirlwind romance that occurred behind a school bike shed. If that sounded like a sweeping statement against a certain socio-economic demographic, it is, all people conceived behind school bike sheds are trouble. Their parents should have had some decency and go to a Travelodge, like everyone else does.

However, it's not all doom and gloom, especially here in rainy Edinburgh where the rays of artistic hopes and dreams perforate the clouds of grey and pepper the streets with flyers and posters that entice you to partake in one of the many millions of performances to tickle your funny bone or induce you to stroke your chin to tales of whimsy involving badgers and jam. I am performing my second solo show Bring The Thunder at the Pleasance Courtyard every day @ 7pm, and today things got off to a good start with a lovely FOUR STAR review from the Telegraph -



Click here for the The Telegraph Review

Then I got a call inviting me to two very nice telly opportunities and then I finally hit my rhythm at my solo show, after a week of trying to manage the energy in the room in the best way possible. Playing Edinburgh audiences can be a little tricky for a relative up and coming comic like me, an Edinburgh audience can often be so receptive that any attempt to chat to them at the start of the show can backfire as they often just want the comic to get on with the show and do material. Having gleaned this from the awkward opening minute I had endured in the first week, I now came out guns blazing, straight into my set, which proved to be the best thing to do. Now that I've found my rhythm, the rest of this festival will be a lot more fun, then onwards and upwards to the very exciting projects I have in store for the foreseeable future.

Also, a certain someone told me that they miss me...

The Comedy Store, Mumbai, India.

The Comedy Store now have a state of the art, brand new venue in the country of the fastest growing economy in the world. Yes, that's right, English speaking comedy has come to India!

The most famous brand of stand-up comedy club in the world has come to Mumbai, not only as a comedy club, but as a bar, restaurant and club for party goers. Situated in a very nice shiny shopping mall all the way on the top floor sits the new comedy club with the familiar branding and set-up of the London and Manchester clubs in England. Run by British owners, yet the staff are mostly Indian and extremely helpful and polite, sometimes it feels like being treated like a celebrity.

I've only been here a few days and it is my first time in India, and it is probably the first time anyone from my family alive today has spent any time in the country since my Great Grand Father took the entire family and left for East Africa all those years ago. I have some heritage here, but only a little, most of my family has been in East Africa for a long time now and they consider that as home. I spend most of my time in the hotel, which is very nice, and spend my time chilling with the other comics, eating, going to the gym, swimming in the pool and trying not to evaporate into thin air in the sauna.

Mumbai is growing, the divide between rich and poor is sharp. The affluent and poor are so easily definable by such a visible contrast, and the inherent prejudices that come with such paradigms of identity also mean that the poor are prevented from even entering the mall. Whilst many have jobs and can afford a life that many of us in Britain take for granted, the poor must simply work for food or die. As we drive towards the gig, we pass the millions of people who live here, some of them taking the train, some of them working in shacks that can sell you shoes for £2, repair your computer or even cut your hair in the street! The worst off are the vendors who squat for hours, even in the torrential rain of India's monsoon season, selling fruit, vegetables, or mass produced items like combs. Sometimes I notice that if I smile and say 'Hello' to any of the cleaning staff in the hotel or in the mall, they are shocked that I am even talking to them. There is no welfare here like we have at home, you simply have to hustle for a living, and if you're lucky enough to be born into the right family, it can make the difference between living in poverty or living the conventional lives that many of us can easily attain at home in Britain. It's not all doom though, it'll pass to some degree one day. As India continues to grow as the fastest growing economy in the world, all eyes are on this part of the world and on China as the next big thing. So if you;re reading this, it might be a good time to learn Urdu/Hindi and Mandarin. Or ladies, marry an Asian guy.... ;-p

The gig itself is AWESOME! Indian audiences love English speaking comedy, they understand 99% of our British references, they love international politics, they love naughty comedy (sex), but they don't do blasphemy here, which is a bit of a relief because sometimes on the British circuit, that topic seems to be over saturated with a real hate. However, the local rivalry here in Mumbai is with anything to do with Pakistan, which can come off somewhat potentially as perceived racism in a way, but this is all new to me as I am experience brown on brown prejudices in the homeland of brownness. What is very intriguing though is that Indian audiences LOVE having their accent mocked. I've seen the fantastic Simon Bligh and Paul Tonkinson talk about their experiences in India, mimicking the local accent to a very receptive Indian audience who applaud such comedy. It's all in good nature, more observational than mockery really, it's hilarious to watch British comics and Indian audiences celebrate their difference in such a way that has never seen the light of day anywhere else before!

The audiences are 99% Indian, with the rare appearance of a European or specifically of a fellow Brit who chimes in on the British references and allows me to feel more at home as a result. There is often a local Indian open spot act who does about 7 mins before the closing act. These guys are good, they work hard and do their comedy in English and the audience love them just as much. I sit at the back of the room after my set and watch the show from the audience's perspective, and it is such a joy. Everyone is their to have a good time, not to get drunk and heckle. All the acts get a lot of love and when Indians laugh, they really go for it. I couldn't help but feel that this is what comedy is all about and that all comedy clubs should be exactly like this.

I've been freestyling my sets a little, using various routines from the bank of material I have built up over the years, and also pepper my sets with asides in Urdu, which always go down a storm here. It's early days, I'm just into my first weekend and there is more to come, so I am enjoying the experience and writing loads of new material as a result.

So, yes, I am having a great time. I've wanted to play he Comedy Store since I was a teenager and now about 15 years later I have made it not only to the Wembley of comedy; which is the Comedy Store in London, but to the brand new one in India that is bringing something new to the masses in a live environment exactly like the original Comedy Store did in London over 30 years ago and changed the face of live comedy for ever.

My brand new TV pilot on BBC3!

I am excited to reveal that after what seems an age in negotiations, discussions and planning, that I shall be embarking on a new journey as the host of my very own TV show pilot on BBC3.


Here's a more official-sounding announcement - 

His self-titled show will feature a mix of stand up, sketches and animation, based around the comedian and his previous job as a games developer.

BBC Three boss Zai Bennett has commissioned the show from independent production house Brown Eyed Boy.

Its managing director Gary Reich said Yusuf was ‘one of the most dynamic, passionate and hardest working comics in the country today’.

He told Broadcast: ‘We’re grateful to BBC3 for once more putting new and emerging talent at the forefront of their ambitions.’

This is all very exciting, especially since I've now got a broader platform upon which to communicate my ideas, especially since I am quite the visual comic and the fact that my previous life in the video games business would be perfect for the opportunity of the televisual box of wonders. I am over the moon with this shot at telly and I vow to make the BEST TV SHOW EVER with great new characters that will take you on a roller coaster ride through my crazy comedy world, all hosted by me with the kind of stand-up comedy my fans love. It's going to be a unique fusion of all the influences in my life and yet be a very original British comedy that will appeal to many people for many different reasons. Whilst I was on tour, I noticed that my audiences were incredibly mixed. Watching what appeared to be skinheads sitting and laughing alongside girls in hijabs, and the old ladies bopping their heads to my pre-show music of Eric B & Rakim, I realised that I can truly communicate something with broad appeal, and if I can do anything to build bridges, then all the better.

Now, I better get some sleep, I'm flying to India tomorrow and then eventually back to the UK to put the finishing touches to my Edinburgh show ahead of the upcoming festival. The announcement of the new show is imminent, stay tuned!

Things I am looking forward to this year...

Hello lovely fans (and haters who read this because they have nothing better to do)!

I'm finally done with my tour, two months of intense travelling and performing have come to a close as I now prepare to fly to India and perform at The Comedy Store in Mumbai. It's been quite exhausting, but I've had loads of fun meeting my actual fans; the wide diverse array of people who come to my shows, whose presence has been a testament to the beauty of our multicultural and actually well integrated society in which comedy has been a bonding experience for us all. Yes, that's right, some of us are getting along and loving life, whilst haters continue to hate and live in the insular microcosm of their own misery. Feel free to join us, you only need to bring your own smile!

I know it's been a while since I updated my blog, in fact, Osama Bin Laden had to make the headlines to get me writing last time, but this time it's for me and you :-)

I am incredibly busy, my career is going from strength to strength like Goku from DragonBall Z in which he increasingly powers up over several episodes before putting the bad guy to rest. So, I'd like to take this opportunity to share with you what I am looking forward to this year -

Comedy Store Mumbai
My favourite gig in the world has opened up a club in Mumbai, India and I am going to perform there as of this week for two weeks in total. I've heard that it is meant to be an awesome gig, where British comedy is being lapped up by the Indians who enjoy their accents being mocked. Also, I believe I may be the first British Asian to play the gig, so it should be a nice surprise for the locals should I slip in a few Urdu/Hindi bits. With India being one of the fastest growing economies thanks to outsourcing call centre contracts, cost-effective labour and definitely not the rise of corner shops. However, fellow comics have told me of the poverty they witnessed, which sits right outside the affluence of the developments that grow right in front of destitute people. This was too much for some comics to stomach, and so I naturally fear how I might react when I see it myself. I've seen it before though, in East Africa and during my travels in the middle east, where the poor have nowhere near the opportunity of welfare or any assistance. Expect to hear more about this on my blog whilst I am out there.

E3 - Unveiling of Project: Cafe
I am a massive Nintendo fan, I have been since I was a kid with my 8bit NES and copy of Super Mario Bros. I love playing video games, and when I'm not pwning n00bs on Xbox Live (or being verbally abused by American kids who hate the British), I'm often on my Nintendo DS revisiting Phantom Hourglass recently. Whilst I am in India, Nintendo will (may) reveal the very first official news of their next home console supposedly dubbed "Stream" or "Project: Cafe". Apparently it is more powerful than PS3 and Xbox 360 and will come with a more conventional controller albeit with a touch screen that can have the game streamed straight to the controller. As long as I get my Mario, Zelda, Metroid etc, I'm happy. Also, the new Mario 3DS will be revealed, and that is going to be AWESOME and you know it. I've still got to get a 3DS, but will wait for Mario Kart, Mario 3DS and RE5 before I do.

Edinburgh Festival
With my tour now done, "An Audience with Imran Yusuf" is last year's news. So prepare yourself for my brand new solo show which will debut in Edinburgh this year in August. What is the show called? Where in Edinburgh will it be? What is the show about? I hear you ask, but I am keeping it a secret for now, all details are about to be revealed very, very soon. However, if you like my upbeat positivity, then you'll love this show ;-) It'll be Ramadan during the festival again this year, however this time I am not trying to beat my 101 gigs in 25 days record!

TV project
Erm... this is kinda secret for now, but rest assured you will get to see my wiry frame and silly face on TV again, I'll even send you tickets if you sign up to my mailing list on my website!


Another TV project
Erm... another secret for now, but here is a teaser of who I was working with recently -

Say what you see!

Radio
I've already done a number of spots on BBC Radio 4. The Now Show with Punt & Dennis and Rory Bremner. The News Quiz with Sandi Toksvig, and Arthur Smith's Balham Bash. Expect to hear more of me there as you can over here - www.youtube.com/imranyusufcomedy

Right, that's enough for now, this will keep me busy for a while. Along with buying a new place in a swish part of London and nurturing my newly formed life of creativity and joy with a loved one, all of the above will add to the journey I am on towards the life I desire to live and the fulfilment I wish to experience. Remember, anything is possible and there is always a way to win!