Staying healthy at the Edinburgh Festival

We're over the half way mark in Edinburgh, some have fallen to illness, sore throats and even bruised or broken hearts. Staying physically and mentally healthy during Edinburgh is quite a task whilst we peddle our performances for the entertainment of audiences and the critique of critics who may or may not like what they believe satiates their own diverted ambitions that became writing on the internet.

Being the eternal naive optimist that I am, I've kept a strong discipline in staying healthy through a combination of exercise, diet and positive thinking during this physically and mentally challenging time of the Edinburgh Festival, in which I have the added bonus feature of observing Ramadan.

So, allow me to share some of my health tips on how to keep in a great state during the festival -

1: EXERCISE
I keep my muscles ripped during the festival with a simple daily routine using the convenience of my bedroom door using the revolutionary Iron Gym, an exercise device that has been constructed from almost random bits of metal and compiled by a genius who figured out how to fix such equipment to a door frame without the need for drilling or planning permission.

Check the guns...

...now check the armour.

2: DIET
Despite having such a light frame which has made me the victim of casual insults from those who envy my lightening fast metabolism, I eat healthily during the festival, often switching between pasta, kebabs and Nando's, you know, the important food groups. In addition to this strict diet of carbohydrates and protein, I supplicate my meals with a daily routine of whey protein, Berocca and Seven Seas cod liver oil + multivitamins. This combination of food and drugs gives me loads of energy to burn, alongside my 9 tails chakra.

Berocca is sometimes like Senzu beans.

3: POSITIVE MINDSET
The Edinburgh Festival is the biggest arts festival in the world, however it is also a trade fair and the more astute business minded individuals will understand the importance of bringing a corporate professionalism to the table, one that I learnt from my many years in the video games business. Observing Ramadan always encourages me to remember how fortunate I am for what I have, and that the daylight hunger is only really a slight discomfort in the greater scope of the blessings and fortunes I have in my life. The attitude of gratitude is the first step to develop real wealth, then it's all about hard work, and I'm here to do my best, learn from my mistakes, become better and become the success I dream of becoming. Only a few years ago I was broke, feeling overwhelmed by the inadequacies in every area of my life and feeling way out of my depth as a comedian at this festival. All of that changed very fast because I had a very clear goal, developed a detailed strategy and took massive Anthony Robbins-style action.

"I'M RICH BIATCH!!"

If I can do it, you can do it. Break the rules, beat the system, become whatever you can dream...

Having a great time in Edinburgh

Right now, I am in a delicate situation as I optimistically wait for my black socks to dry in time for my show which is just about over an hour from starting, however my Jack Bauer-esque realism knows that I'm going to have to go and buy a fresh pack if I am not to look like a numpty wearing black shoes with white socks this evening.

Apart from this wardrobe drama, I'm having a great time in Edinburgh, the show is going great, I've really hit my rhythm now and audiences are enjoying the show. A couple of four star reviews from the press and more importantly being stopped in the street by fans who love the show has already made this Edinburgh a rewarding experience, not to mention the secret stuff that is still to be announced... oh, and that I have discovered deep fried Mars bars.

I'm having loads of fun, here is an interview with me by a hawte chick from Ed Fest Magazine -



So far, so good, however a career in the comedy world is a long game, and I'm in it for life, so stay tuned and I'll prove that sometimes all you need is a lot of heart and that everything will be okay... even if your black socks still haven't dried yet! DATTEBAYO!

Attacked in Edinburgh

I've just got back to my flat from a late night double deep fried Mars bar experience to find my flatmate and American comic; Chris Coxen with two black eyes after being attacked by a gang of 5-7 feral cunts.

I've also found out that comedian Mark Simmons has also been the victim of an attack, in which his money and phone were stolen, however his assailants were caught shortly after by the Police. In the four full festivals I have done, I have never heard of such violence, although a few years ago I once saw a violent drunkard get battered by security in Bristo Square after he punched fellow comic Paul McCaffrey for no reason.

Here we are at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, the biggest and oldest arts festival in the world, where artists, performers, musicians, comedians etc come to from all over the planet to share and celebrate their wares with audiences and industry. This event is an amazing example of human artistry and beauty, it is something that enriches our lives and embraces our divine virtues, this event is a time of joy. However, due to the wanton procreation and perpetuation of feral humanoids whose only manifesto is to destroy, this festival has been blighted for at least a couple of people whose enjoyment and efforts has been ruined by the predatory behaviour of a bunch of animals.

I'm sharing a flat with Chris, one of the nicest guys I've ever met, a true hard working gentlemen who came to the UK to pursue his dream to showcase his talents as a character comedian. This is his first full run at the Edinburgh Festival, he's put incredible effort, financial investment and made personal sacrifices to get here all the way from his home in Boston, Massachusetts, USA. And now his festival experience has been blighted by such an act of unwarranted violence. If you're in Edinburgh, it'd cheer him up if you check out his show; Chris Coxen's Space Clone Audition, Cabaret Voltaire @ 2:30pm. However, with his eye swollen up, he might not be around performing tomorrow.

If you're at the Edinburgh Festival, please beware during the late nights and be ready should any shithead try to attack you. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire, and the good guys will prevail...

Peace x

London Riots & Edinburgh

As I sit in my comfy Edinburgh flat during the pockets of Scottish sun that teases us before raining unabatedly with a biting cold that can only be escaped by entering one of the various shows that cook the audience and performers like an oven thanks to Britain's inability to invest in air-conditioning, London and now the rest of England is being engulfed by riots that have blighted the lives of so many with violence and looting.

As opinions get bandied around social networking sites, what has become apparent is that the advantages, privileges and the blessing it is to live in the civilised world has become all too blurred with the developing nations and civil unrests we are used to seeing in other countries, as our country comes to a standstill whilst we watch and suffer at the hands of mobs of thugs, thieves and general epic product failures of human copulation.

I could go on for ever with a massive dissection of these events, but there is already enough news out there for everyone to deal with, so I am going to put it as bluntly as this -

In the world, there are a contingent of people who are easily identified not by a genetic or ideological qualities, but by the hallmark of bellend-ed-ness that constitutes their behaviour as massive wastes of space. Most people are actually quite cool, able to get along with one another, who go about their lives in relative peace learning about the world they live in and enjoying the company of everyone else with whom they share friendships, all of whom try and contribute something meaningful through their vocation and the way they go about their lives. Sound like you? Of course it does, that's why you're reading this blog, because you CAN read and if you're reading my blog, you're most probably not a specimen of bipedal mammalians whose diet consists of chemically-laced fried poultry substitute that is often accompanied by chips in a box that can feed an entire family of feral gremlins born from the illicit union of a whirlwind romance that occurred behind a school bike shed. If that sounded like a sweeping statement against a certain socio-economic demographic, it is, all people conceived behind school bike sheds are trouble. Their parents should have had some decency and go to a Travelodge, like everyone else does.

However, it's not all doom and gloom, especially here in rainy Edinburgh where the rays of artistic hopes and dreams perforate the clouds of grey and pepper the streets with flyers and posters that entice you to partake in one of the many millions of performances to tickle your funny bone or induce you to stroke your chin to tales of whimsy involving badgers and jam. I am performing my second solo show Bring The Thunder at the Pleasance Courtyard every day @ 7pm, and today things got off to a good start with a lovely FOUR STAR review from the Telegraph -



Click here for the The Telegraph Review

Then I got a call inviting me to two very nice telly opportunities and then I finally hit my rhythm at my solo show, after a week of trying to manage the energy in the room in the best way possible. Playing Edinburgh audiences can be a little tricky for a relative up and coming comic like me, an Edinburgh audience can often be so receptive that any attempt to chat to them at the start of the show can backfire as they often just want the comic to get on with the show and do material. Having gleaned this from the awkward opening minute I had endured in the first week, I now came out guns blazing, straight into my set, which proved to be the best thing to do. Now that I've found my rhythm, the rest of this festival will be a lot more fun, then onwards and upwards to the very exciting projects I have in store for the foreseeable future.

Also, a certain someone told me that they miss me...